please... please get better
Sunday, October 05, 2008
it never crossed my mind that it could happen again. i have been doing so well for almost 12 years ("well" is a relative term, but i was doing fine). why does it hit me again now?
the past month and a half was a blur. symptoms are endless and are still adding to the list. i don't even know what to say to my doctors anymore. one day i told him i completely lost my appetite and lost 10 lbs in 1 week and one week later, i couldn't stop eating and gained 5 lbs in 3 days. i was so happy when i saw my weight started climbing up but i started to feel concern again when it doesn't stop climbing. yes- history has repeated itself. i am starting to swell up again and i know my kidneys and liver are starting to shut down on me. damn you, prednisone! i really REALLY want to throw you down the drain.
people who knew me from high school would remember what i looked like 13 years ago when i swelled up like a balloon. although what's going on now seem to be less severe than 13 years ago, they are definately similar. and the scary part is... if history really does repeat itself, this is just the beginning of a very long, tiring war. i was younger back then and so when the war put me in a hospital, it didn't affect me much other than feeling depressed and missing almost an entire year of school. now that i am older, i don't know if i could afford being sick anymore. i cannot take a year off work to take care of myself. well... i guess i COULD, but that probably means i can take as long a break as i wanted cuz i am not going back and i DO NOT want that. my coworker did mention to me about disability leave or something but with my going on job issue crisis, it would just make matters worse. i don't know what to do anymore except taking some sick hours off here and there just so i won't pass out at work and can still sort of keep my job. but i don't know how much longer i can do this before i run out of my sick leave.
come on, san san! please... please get better... fast.
the past month and a half was a blur. symptoms are endless and are still adding to the list. i don't even know what to say to my doctors anymore. one day i told him i completely lost my appetite and lost 10 lbs in 1 week and one week later, i couldn't stop eating and gained 5 lbs in 3 days. i was so happy when i saw my weight started climbing up but i started to feel concern again when it doesn't stop climbing. yes- history has repeated itself. i am starting to swell up again and i know my kidneys and liver are starting to shut down on me. damn you, prednisone! i really REALLY want to throw you down the drain.
people who knew me from high school would remember what i looked like 13 years ago when i swelled up like a balloon. although what's going on now seem to be less severe than 13 years ago, they are definately similar. and the scary part is... if history really does repeat itself, this is just the beginning of a very long, tiring war. i was younger back then and so when the war put me in a hospital, it didn't affect me much other than feeling depressed and missing almost an entire year of school. now that i am older, i don't know if i could afford being sick anymore. i cannot take a year off work to take care of myself. well... i guess i COULD, but that probably means i can take as long a break as i wanted cuz i am not going back and i DO NOT want that. my coworker did mention to me about disability leave or something but with my going on job issue crisis, it would just make matters worse. i don't know what to do anymore except taking some sick hours off here and there just so i won't pass out at work and can still sort of keep my job. but i don't know how much longer i can do this before i run out of my sick leave.
come on, san san! please... please get better... fast.
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on Sunday, October 05, 2008 at 6:03 AM.
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