My Corner

it's been a few days since i started on the new drug. this drug, at first i didn't want to take it. for the first time, i tried to persuade my doc not to prescribe me this drug. but now that i have started on it, i can only hope it works. and holy, this drug alone is EXPENSIVE!!! $416 per month!! thank god the government is paying most of it (i am part of the study - guinea piggy #X), and my insurance is paying most part of the remaining which makes it less crazy.

anyway, crazy drug means crazy side effects. so far, i have experienced insomnia many many many many nights in a row now (update* plus backpain). i have a total of 1.5 hr sleep everynight which isn't too bad because i don't really feel tired in the morning. i remember similar stuff happened when i first started on certain drugs many years ago so i guess this is just a transition period for my body to get use to it. as for the other side effects... ummm i don't want to think about them yet.

i am hoping i can return to work by november, hopefully next saturday or the monday. i have been away from work for too long. kinda miss going to work (plus, i need to work to pay off my meds, i guess...). but i might need to work something out with my manager to perhaps start with shorter hours at first. maybe life will return back to a little more normal when i get my work life back. 2 months without work makes a person go crazy as well. i am starting to forget all the rules and regulations already.

nothing overly new and exciting these days. still making frequent visits to the doctors and the labs. i am now seeing a nephrologist, a rheumatologist, a hematologist, and a gastroenterologist almost every other day. so busy.

i am not returning to work for at least another 2 weeks. all i do everyday now is eat, sleep and doc visits. so bored at home... waaaaah! oh, and everything i eat has no taste...they are bland. i guess my taste buds have gone weird since i am on so many medications. i hope they come back sooooon!!! i asked bf to buy me sour gummies yesterday but i couldn't tell if they are sweet or sour anymore!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo!

who would have thought just one day after my previous post, my condition suddenly made a quick turn and went all the way down. i was rushed to the hospital in critical condition monday night. i seriously thought i was going to die there but luckily i pulled through. i guess god isn't ready to take me yet. now i am finally at home resting.
i promise i will be a good girl from now on and take better care of myself. i know i had gone lazy in the past years because i thought i was doing well. i'll stay cheerful and positive and you guys will see me up and running again hopefully very soon...

it never crossed my mind that it could happen again. i have been doing so well for almost 12 years ("well" is a relative term, but i was doing fine). why does it hit me again now?

the past month and a half was a blur. symptoms are endless and are still adding to the list. i don't even know what to say to my doctors anymore. one day i told him i completely lost my appetite and lost 10 lbs in 1 week and one week later, i couldn't stop eating and gained 5 lbs in 3 days. i was so happy when i saw my weight started climbing up but i started to feel concern again when it doesn't stop climbing. yes- history has repeated itself. i am starting to swell up again and i know my kidneys and liver are starting to shut down on me. damn you, prednisone! i really REALLY want to throw you down the drain.

people who knew me from high school would remember what i looked like 13 years ago when i swelled up like a balloon. although what's going on now seem to be less severe than 13 years ago, they are definately similar. and the scary part is... if history really does repeat itself, this is just the beginning of a very long, tiring war. i was younger back then and so when the war put me in a hospital, it didn't affect me much other than feeling depressed and missing almost an entire year of school. now that i am older, i don't know if i could afford being sick anymore. i cannot take a year off work to take care of myself. well... i guess i COULD, but that probably means i can take as long a break as i wanted cuz i am not going back and i DO NOT want that. my coworker did mention to me about disability leave or something but with my going on job issue crisis, it would just make matters worse. i don't know what to do anymore except taking some sick hours off here and there just so i won't pass out at work and can still sort of keep my job. but i don't know how much longer i can do this before i run out of my sick leave.

come on, san san! please... please get better... fast.