My Corner

if you simply don't understand, there is no point in me explaining myself.

certain ppl don't realize they have smoother lives and are fortunate not to have gone through disastrous events in life.

i am not saying i am unfortunate but i have a slightly bumpy life so far. there are still plenty of things going on around me that troubles me and making my life harder. when i talk to you about them, it is not a form of complain or being pessimistic. not everything is as easy as you seem. i am not complicating things up but things are complicated. i do want a simple life but then situations come up and complicate things. there is not always a definite single answer to each of the issue going on. there are always mixed feelings involved which is why i do contradict myself sometimes and i am aware of that. i am only saying not everything has a yes or no answer. i don't exactly know what i want yet but what is wrong with avoiding doing things i don't like? i do have an idea of what i want so what is wrong with pursuing in that direction? for someone to step in and tell me i am close minded and not explore other options is wrong. what do you know?

i do not need a lecture on how i should cheer up and be more positive because i already am. do not tell me things will be ok in the end because i know that also. everyone who knows me well knows that i am a tough person and i am not going to let someone beat me down by some ignorant comments. so i have made up my mind, i am done talking about my personal issues. since we are of different levels and you are not there yet, let's not waste your time and mine.

i do not envy you because i know i am stronger than you are. i am proud of my past experiences. i will continue to listen and give advise to your childish complaints though.

i know i am complaining here myself. i blame the prednisone for making me moody.

the snow is pretty much all gone. what's left now is the dirty, greyish ice/slush/salt + puddles of water.

life goes on... even though i feel crappy. what bothers me most now is still the side effects. there isn't a moment when i feel completely "pain-free". the pain varies in intensity from headaches, to muscle cramps, to joint pain. but i realize i can handle pain pretty well. it's the other side effects that i find it harder to accept - such as thinning of hair and turning chubby. u can say i am shallow but it's true because everyone can see it and it affects me emotionally as well. even though i know this is only temporary (for the chubby part, at least), but for the next few months, i am going to feel slightly more depressed than i originally was. i promise i will try to keep up my positive self. trust me, i am still happy and feel blessed every single day but there are moments of the day i do feel like crap just like everyone else.

anyway, another year has gone by. i have gone through a lot of change last year and i have watched my friends went through a ton of changes too. both good and bad. May 2009 be a year with much much more of the good than the bad.